Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
