I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
