forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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