I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The air was thick with penises
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize