There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
