Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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