Just fell off a train. Bad.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
