I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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