I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
