we have officially lost it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
