He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
