i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
