This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
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what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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