I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
