hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
