i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
