...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
