She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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