I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
