stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
