So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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