Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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