so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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