I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
