where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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