If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
