Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
