He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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