We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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