it wasn't lemon gatorade
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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