I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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