I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
