1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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