dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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