I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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