The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The uberlube is also flammable
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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