Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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