FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
