My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
