birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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