i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
this hospital has no fireball
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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