"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I forget how to act sober
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
