I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
