Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
