i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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