that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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