isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
