HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
