My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
