Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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