i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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