Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
