My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All the doctor said was why
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize