You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
