My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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