My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize