Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
