I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
