I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
