we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
