I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
