Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
