dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
