When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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