Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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