Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
