we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
