Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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