my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
