I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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