By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
