Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I did not marry a roomba.
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