smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
