he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
