When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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